Vlürch - Neon Pornocopia (2014)

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1. Percussive Alchemy
2. Larvae in the Trance Clone Unit
3. Sensual Undulation
4. Romantic Dildo Exorcism
5. Magical Reverse Cowgirl Scouts
6. Oxymoronic Florilegium: Heath Priviledger's Mindfuck Parade (the police are coming, hide the sausage!)
7. Šiçılıəsk a Hşaj (नरक·स्वर्ग + 蛇魔神の呪われた神聖黒石 + 나가·죽지않는황제 + ஙਗ੍ਰੂਮ੍ਹ옖ഷുംઍվ)
Click song titles to listen on Youtube.

Download from Mediafire, or Bandcamp.

I'm pretty proud of this album, even though "Kenosis" is probably a lot better in every way except that this is weirder and much more experimental.

Vlürch - Kenosis (2014)

ပျိူံ့းཀྨཱིཾ་ဌ်ာံ့ঙৣঁঃ　　｜　　०͕̫̖̝̯̞́ϟ͎̻̰̞ⴕ̦̼̺͎͎̤̙̀͐̽̓͒ͣￛ͂̌́͑ͯⴑͫ̋̉̄͂ͫ̀८͐ͤ̈́◜̇̈́̑̎̓ͦ̈◜̣̙̺̿̉ͨͯ̚ϡ̪̅ͯ̎̽̒　　｜　　ૐॐༀ៚

1. Samsara
2. Manala
3. Pandora Deliria
4. Rahu
5. The Cloven Visitor
6. Apotheosis
7. Kenosis
8. Naraka
Click song titles to listen on Youtube.

Download: click here
You can also download it from Bandcamp if you prefer that.

०८◜◜०ⴕੴ

So, I just finished this new album. It's pretty epic if I can say so myself. Most of the songs have lyrics in random as fuck mixtures of various languages and plain and simple gibberish, though there's some English as well, and whenever any of it makes any sense it's something about religion and mythologies. Not in a way that's pro-religion or anti-religion, just about that stuff. Anyway, I hope people like it, but if not, tell me why because I honestly think it turned out better than anything I've ever done before; I mean, this is a bit like how I wanted "Empyreal Obtenebration" to sound but just wasn't good enough at anything yet to do that, but on the other hand there isn't all that much in-your-face synth stuff*. And I don't sound like Gollum anymore when I sing clean vocals, at least not unless I want to. Anyway, let me know what you think if you listen!

Here's my Facebook page, by the way, if you wanna "like" it.

*Speaking of which, I kinda want to do a new, better version of "Feeding the Demiurge" one day in the future. The reason I haven't already is that I have no clue how I got that weird ass synth sound and haven't succeeded in getting that type of a sound again. Even if it sounds ridiculously bad and doesn't fit the song, I feel like it's an important part of what makes that song what it is and if I'm gonna do a better version of it, well... it'd need to have that anyway. Maybe if I get in that successful mood without having to arse too much, I'll also do a new version of "Four-Dimensional Fractal Maze". I probably wouldn't make it as dissonant, though...

St. Kain & Wormwood - Lachrymose Mesoglea (2014)

So, here it is: my collab with Onesimus Kain. It's pretty awesome, if I can say that without sounding like half a douchebag. :3

01. Explosive Ophthalmectomy
02. web in ur brains
03. An Adam's Apple a Day Keeps the Witch Doctor Away
04. A Hand, Crumbling
05. Told You to Run
06. A Hole in One Man's Meat is Another Man's God
07. To the Bears

DOWNLOAD

So... yeah. Download it, and be like "I was among the first to download it before these guys became famous as all hell", because that's totally gonna happen. I-I mean... w-why are you l-looking at m-me like t-that? D-did I... oh. Oh. Ok.

(I might write some longer rant about how awesome it turned out and how smoothly things went collabing with Ness, but I'm not sure. Right now, though, I'm not nearly in an objective enough state of mind to do that. XD)

Heave the Sun - Evangelium Carnis Angelorum (2014) + Vlürch - Baroquérotique

I've finally finished this album... and I'm proud of it, even though it's not nearly as good as I'd wanted it to turn out. Anyway, here it is, and it's mostly some sort of industrial black metal/drone/dark ambient/whatever stuff.

Listen on Youtube, click the song titles:
01. The Baptismal Gallows
02. The Angel of the Lord of the Flies
03. Laparotomic Voyage Simulator
04. The Black Ulcer Blossoms
05. Rat King

Download from Mediafire: click <-320 kbps
Download from Bandcamp: click

Here's the album art thing:

~

Aand I also did some neoclassical stuff, or at least tried. I decided to call that song "Baroquérotique", since that's an awesome blend and it has apparently not been used as a song title before... I'm pretty sure I'll do more, so that's why it's "part 1" and "demo".

Listen on Youtube: click

Or on Bandcamp, where you can download it for free from (but the player thing sucks sideways assballs, so I recommend listening it on Youtube): click.

Vlürch - ...but what is art? (2014)

I've finished a new album, which is all improvised stuff on acoustic guitar. Kind of like some sort of hipster jazz, but not really seriously. It's a little bit dissonant at parts and almost everything is out of tune, so if you're not into that, you might experience intense bowel movements, nausea, headaches, urges to rape children and burn churches. So, if you're not a total hipster, please, for the safety of others and yourself, don't listen.

I uploaded the whole album on Youtube, click this.
Download for free from Bandcamp, click here.

01. The concept of fine art is bullshit, but not all pictures of shitting bulls are art
02. Art is good for children, but are children good for art?
03. If life imitates art and life's a bitch, doesn't that mean that art is a bitch?
04. True art is a representation of an artist's subconscious desire for asexual reproduction
05. Now, what do you say to strangers who give you art?

Heave the Sun - Laparotomic Voyage Simulator + how to do static lol + some shitty bird

I made some ambient again, and it turned out a little like some sort of ambient jazz or something. Click here to listen on Youtube, and download from Bandcamp. I'm pretty proud of it, even though it's kinda lame and really calm and stuff; I've already added some guitar stuff to it at a few parts and have plans, but I'm not sure if I can make it any better without changing too many things for it to be the same song. And here's an artwork thingy.

Yes, that's a butterfly with a dick and a pineapple with a vagina. No reason to be confused.

Also, I made a tutorial video of how to make a rain sound and the type of static that old recordings sometimes have. Is it useful? Probably not, but I thought it was the best way to demonstrate why I'm falling in love with the VST called Anenome, which I also used for that warm, fuzzy synth in "Laparotomic Voyage Simulator". :P



I also made a video of doing a shitty-looking bird in Photoshop, because I was bored. It looks like total shit, so don't tell me that I suck at art; I know I do, but if I put effort into it, I can do some okay-looking stuff (at least in terms of photomanipulation and such, and digital painting/whatever if I'm not rushing it, but I always rush it because I get bored and lazy).



Anyway, the music in that latter video is something I'm pretty satisfied with, apart from the string pad thing being way too loud (I've already fixed that and made the song a little bit longer), and am gonna keep working on that song. I hope it'll end up turning out cool, but it probably won't. Doesn't matter, though, because things have been nice lately and my life is so much better than I'd deserve, I'm happier than in a long, long time. :D

I made a piano song

Like the title of this post indicates, I've finally succeeded in what I've wanted to do for a while; a sorta vaguely somewhat classicalish thing. It's not exactly at all like classical, but it's not all over the place all the time and it's just piano stuff, so maybe a little tiny bit kinda distantly classicalish.

Listen on Youtube
Or Tumblr

I called it "Spiral", because... well, I think it's fitting.

The main repetitive part of the song is just Hungarian minor and Ukrainian dorian scales from A with some parts that I didn't care about anything like that, because I generally don't care about scales or shit. Anyway, I'm proud of how it turned out, and my dad didn't hate it, so that's also a thing.

Oh, and don't complain if your hyperposh Western classical music ears find it not very comfortable at parts. It has a couple of pseudo-dissonant moments.

Deformed Elephant Surgery - Anecdotal Equine Ballistics (2014)

I've finished a new EP! It's pretty short, but I've been kinda busy with other things, so whatever.

01. Accidental Equine Transvection
02. Equilibration of the Crystallized Spirits
03. Intersex Lotus Juxtaposition
04. Transfigurative Iridescent Desiccation
Click the song names to listen on Youtube.

Download for free from Bandcamp, clicky-clicky-click. I also included instrumental versions of all the songs.

Um, bronies + pink unicorns + new DES song

Sometimes, people think I'm a brony. I mean, I get it; I like colourful unicorns and rainbows, I like the emoticon :3, I come across as immature sometimes, some of my music appeals to bronies, I like anything that would make any late scene kid scream "KAWAIIIII~" from the bottom of their lungs, I often like bronies and bronettes, etc... but I don't like My Little Pony.

And yes, I've tried to get into MLP, but I just can't bring myself to watch even one episode without facepalming my palms sweatier than Eminem after hearing that MGK thinks his daughter is hot. Does that mean I hate it and every brony/bronette in existence? Fuck no.

So, if you're a brony/bronette, don't hate me, because I probably think you're one pretty cool ass awesome person.

Oh, and I know the female equivalent of a brony is actually "pegasister", but that's too much like Peg-A-Sister, which sounds like an incestuous version of Whack-A-Mole... a game where any number of female participants stand on one side of a wall with a gloryhole for each, the single male participant on the other side given freedom to insert his penis into these holes to engage in penetrative sex with the corresponding female participants, but he has to choose one. There's a timer that runs down from a number of minutes equal to the amount of female participants. If he's fucking his sister when the timer runs out, he wins and the prize is to have one of his testicles surgically removed and a literal slap on the wrist. If, on the other hand, he's fucking anybody but his sister when the timer runs out, his dick and balls will be stuffed through a meatgrinder and the word "rapist" tattooed on his forehead. His sister will then win 100 000€ in compensation for physical and emotional suffering, and each of the other participants will receive therapy/counselling because it probably hurts to have sex with a guy who thinks he's fucking his own sister.

...and now that that's off the way, moving on to another subject. I present to you, a pink unicorn with cheesy glitter nipples being molested by tentacles! (Click it for full size.)

Ignore the fact that there's no tail, I forgot and got lazy... but you'll get plenty of that in just a moment, so don't get on my ass about it or anything. This is probably one of the best art-things I've ever done, so I'm really proud. I don't know if I should be, but I am.

I also posted it on Tumblr. In case it's not painfully obvious what my url is, it's vlyrch.tumblr.com because I'm imaginative like that. That was sarcasm, by the way, if someone's deaf/blind to that. I can't come up with names for things easily, and so I usually go with the most obvious, lame and boring thing ever. That applies to lyrics and song titles, album titles, etc. even more than anything else, so yeah... creativity and stuff comes naturally, but organisation... eh... not so much.

...and since it's one of my great dreams in life to find a horse and strap a dildo on its head... creating the first real-life specimen of a whole new subspecies of unicorn to-be-labelled equus unicornis phallicus... and set up cameras to record the owner's reaction, make a song with samples from his/her noises, then get someone to edit the video to be awesome with flashy effects and shit as a music video... but my balls aren't nearly big enough to do that, so I have to settle for something less dramatic and epic. A lot less dramatic. Even less epic.

It's yet another pink unicorn, only this one is... well... the most blatantly Freudian incarnation of unicorn symbolism? (Again, click to make it bigger.)

As you can see, I spent way too much time on making the penis detailed. Is that a bad thing? Does it make me a pervert? Well, let me tell you: it doesn't. Because, I mean, if I was a pervert, I'd do something kinky with a phallic unicorn. But I wouldn't, so I can't be a pervert. Not that kinda pervert, at least. Like, what kind of a sick fuck would dare touch that glorious cock? What. Did that sound as gay as I think it did? Doesn't matter. I'm not gay for unicorns, or mostly gay in general, unless we're talking about a certain guy. Or a bunch of guys, really. But I'm mostly straight, so...

...

And last night (or... whenever the fuck that was), I was just minding my own business, doing nothing, really, when I suddenly noticed that there had been two more "likes" on Facebook... and now, it just blows my mind. THERE ARE SIX HUNDRED PEOPLE WHO LIKE MY MUSIC. WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL SHIT?!?!!?

THANKS, EVERYONE, FOR SUPPORTING ME!!!

Sadly, I literally haven't finished even one song since "Rushed Light Onset" yet, apart from this one and a shitty goregrind thing... oh well. I tried to make this a little more "structural" than most stuff I've done, but I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Either way, here's "Accidental Equine Transvection", which ended up sounding pretty cool in my own humble(?) opinion:



EDIT, 23rd of April:
Included the new version of the song, which you can download from Bandcamp for free: click here, along with the EP that it's on, "Anecdotal Equine Ballistics".

The Rescue of the Prince from the Dragon's Cave (short story)

DISCLAIMER: This isn't serious. At all. So don't try to tell me that I suck at writing or that my sense of humour sucks. I just wanted to write something intentionally ridiculously stupid.

The knight rode into the dragon's cave with his blazing lance pointed straight forward to impale this bloodthirsty devilish lizard, but as soon as he entered, the powerful tail knocked him off the saddle and slammed him against the wall.

”Fear me, you monster!”, he roared with a mighty rough voice as he lifted his weapon high. ”I shall masturbate thee!”

The dragon laughed. ”You? Masturbate me?! No, you have it all wrong, you pitiful little knight, for it is you who will be masturbated tonight!”

”No!”, the knight yelled, running around to strike his blade deep into the beast's flesh from behind, preparing to masturbate him. With one fierce tug, he wrapped the monster's penis around his chest and squeezed so hard that a bit of blood bursted out from the tip. ”Feel my masturbation!”, he let out a majestic shout.

With the man's arms firmly sliding across the organ repeatedly, the lizard felt his strength diminish by the minute. ”Please, stop! No more, I beg you! Stop, noble knight, this is not your job! I'm not really the dragon who kidnapped the prince! Please listen to me! I am the prince!” And then, the terrifying abomination turned into a handsome man, his eyes sparkling with authority. His passion was ignited, and so he grasped the knight's crotch and pulled at his scrotum. ”Let me penetrate you now that you have rescued me, just like my father commanded!”

”Your father wants you to have sex with me?”, the knight gasped in wonder.

”No! He does not approve of our love, but I am willing to go against his will if you are with me!”

”Yes!”, he shouted from the bottom of his lungs, pulled down his pants and revealed his anus for the royal baton that was still the massive size of a dragon's. ”Fuck my ass!” He fucked his ass for hours and hours, long into the night, and they had so many orgasms that they could feed all the starving children in Africa for thousands of years. Then they got married and lived happily ever after.

~

...don't say I didn't warn you about it being stupid. Oh, and it's not supposed to be interpreted as homophobic. Like, what the hell? How could you even think about that?! It's fucking sex between two loving men. Anyone seeing that as homophobic needs to have their politics checked out.